I'm back. Did you miss me?

Well there. Erm. Hi, readers. How’s it going?  You all look lovely today. Really, you do. And I’m not just saying that because I’m trying to get on your good side. Really.

You may have noticed a profound lack of posts on this here blog as of late. I could give you an excellent and touching excuse, eloquently recounted in a tale that will make you laugh, cry, grip the edge of your seat in suspense and ultimately win you over to my side of this situation. Or, on the other hand, I could tell you the truth. I assure you that the former option will prove to be much more entertaining than the latter, and if that is what you want to hear, just say the word.

What’s that you say? You would rather hear the truth, no matter how boring it may be? Well, ok. If you’re sure. But first, I would like to confess an anxiety of mine.

I do not like crowds. I really don’t. I don’t even like friendly crowds with the intent to bestow lavish praises on me and fill my pockets with chocolates, roses and money. But Naddie, you say. Aren’t you an actor? Don’t you enjoy attention? Didn’t you once march into a convenience store late at night in very dark blue face paint and play your ukulele and sing loudly for all to hear? Well reader, yes to all three. But I find that performing in front of crowds on a stage (or, in the case of the Great Convenience Store Caper, in front of a small group near the cash register), is much easier than walking amongst a large crowd of people I don’t know who might try to talk to me. Anyway, my point is this: I don’t like crowds. I don’t even like reasonably friendly crowds. I especially do not like angry crowds wielding torches and pitchforks. At this point, we cease to refer to them as a crowd and designate them for all intents and purposes as a “very angry mob.” 

For this reason, before I tell you why I haven’t been posting, please agree to and sign the following:

I, (name here), hereby promise that when I hear Naddie Boyne’s reason for not posting on the blog known as Singing Dragons, I will not collect farm tools, space guns, cranky toddlers, or any other dangerous weapons. After I do not collect these items, I will not gather in a large group of my fellow Singing Dragons readers and track down Naddie Boyne. Once all of this is not accomplished, I will resist the urge to proceed to chase Naddie Boyne around town and shout threats and possibly tie her to the railroad tracks that will certainly not be nearby, due to the fact that I shall never, ever accomplish any of this in the first place. All this I hereby swear on the name of my closest living relative, the life of the queen of England, and all that is holy and/or delicious.

(Sign name here. Use black or blue ink only.) ________________________________________________

Thank you. I feel much better now.

Ready for the excuse? It’s not too late to turn back now. You don’t have to hear it if you don’t want to. What’s that? You are tired of my pointless, irritating and lengthy stalling tactics? Fine. If that’s how you feel, here it is:

I forgot. I got busy and I forgot. And then, when I got a few minutes every now and then I didn’t feel like it.

Please don’t be angry. Remember the form you signed. Now, I am about to go on a backpacking trek in New Mexico. In the wilderness. Completely without any wi-fi. But don’t worry! I won’t abandon you again. I will write several posts in advance and schedule them to post themselves during that time.

Welcome back to Singing Dragons! I hope you enjoy the posts coming up over the next three weeks.

~Naddie Boyne